[Verse 1]*
Tossing and turning
3:12 and the room won’t stay still
My head is swirling
Not with thoughts—without them
Just static, just pressure
Whispers turn distraught
Small sounds—fridge hum, a shoe on floorboards
Become voices in the hall I left at fourteen
*[Verse 2]*
I’m on the edge
Of the bed, of the frame, of a sentence
Why is my body burning
No fever—just charge, like I drank electricity
Heart starts to throb
I count beats like they’re evidence
Ears begin to ring
That familiar a cappella of panic
***_
I need help
I whisper it to dry air, not 911
I wait to see if I’ll need it more before I ask
*[Verse 3]*
As my fingers tingle
Piano keys I can’t play, just feel them floating
This battle cannot be fought
Because it’s not happening now
It’s happening then, rear-projected on now
I try to box-breathe and my chest laughs at me
*[Verse 4]*
All from a noise
A car door, a specific laugh, the pop of a bag
That haunts my past
I know this cognitively—I did the workbook, I went
But my body’s a genius for the wrong thing
It reads the present like a threat in costume
_**_
In the horrid distance
A porchlight memory I can’t unsee
*[Verse 5]*
Lingering in my memories
Not like movies—flashes. Smell. Doorknob pressure.
The way light fell at 7:05 in a house I don’t visit
I’m starting to believe
That my trauma will never leave
And maybe it won’t—maybe it’s a roommate now
Who pays rent in panic
*[Verse 6]*
So I fold laundry to ground myself
Name five blues, four textures, three safe objects
I press my feet to floor
Drink water that’s too cold
Text the friend who knows not to ask questions
Just answer the phone
That’s how I refuse the headline my nerves write
_***
I need help
I say it louder
This time to a person
*[Verse 7]*
I’m not rescued tonight-I’m held
And held is enough
I trace the burn down to a name
Abandonment, or harm, or both
And I speak it plain without melodrama
My body listens when I stop pretending it’s fine
*[Bridge – piano thins to single note]*
I will not
