NO MANUAL

[TRACK 1 – “NO MANUAL”] I was nine when they said he ain’t coming back, Didn’t cry then… guess I learned how to handle that. House got louder but it felt more empty, Too many people round, still nobody gets me. Mum tried her best, I don’t hold no blame, New husband, new rules, didn’t feel the same. I needed guidance, not a replacement, Questions in my head but no safe place to say them. They say “be a man”, but nobody shows you, Just expectations and pressure they throw you. So I stayed quiet, kept things inside, Learnt how to smile when I wasn’t alright. I watched other kids get advice from their dads, I pretended I didn’t care, but it hit me bad. No one taught me how to deal with my anger, So I swallowed it whole, let it turn me stranger. [CHORUS] I don’t talk about it, I just hold it in. They think I’m solid, Don’t know what I’m living in. I move like I’m fine, Even when I’m not. Learnt how to survive With the hand I got. I grew fast, but I missed some steps, Like how to talk when your chest feels stressed. How to open up without feeling weak, How to ask for help when you can barely speak. I don’t remember hugs, I remember tension, Dinner table quiet, full of unspoken questions. I started living in my head more than real life, Overthinking nights, barely sleeping right. People say I’m calm, they don’t know it’s control, Just years of training not to lose my soul. I ain’t cold, I’m just careful who sees me crack, ‘Cause once you show it, you can’t take it back. This ain’t a song, it’s a background check, Everything I am came from what I didn’t get. No manual, no guide, just pressure and time, Trying to grow into a man on a broken design. [CHORUS] I don’t talk about it, I just hold it in. They think I’m solid, Don’t know what I’m living in. I move like I’m fine, Even when I’m not. Learnt how to survive With the hand I got.